A right to have fun
June 07, 2005
Jobs
So I've had a week of 'freedom' - except I really haven't, because Mr's got exams so he's just revising revising revising and snapping at me, and I had three interviews last week so I was all nervous and had to dress up and get up early and stuff. And then I got really tired and started a crying jag so then I took two days off on Thursday and FRiday. I have a feeling this short-term job thing might work out, and that's great in terms of money and security and stuff, but it means no summer. I was really looking forward to lots of free time this summer, for the first time in YEARS. I was going to get super fit... I'll just have to do that anyway. But I was hoping to go away some and have some vacations with Mr.Oh well. We'll see. I should know tomorrow if I'm definitely getting this job (fingers crossed) and if I get it, depending on when my start date is, I'm just stopping everything. The job searching, everything. And when Mr finishes his last exam on Friday he'll be too tired to celebrate, but we should definitely have some fun at the weekend, and relax, and go out for dinner and stuff. And then go away. And fit in a vacation of some kind at some point.
In a way I do hope I get the job now. I was all excited at first because it was going to be three months, and now it turns out it is a six-month contract. And it is doing stuff I really hate, but also stuff I don't really know how to do, so I have to pretend all the time!! Which was ok in my old company where they knew me and assumed I knew what I was talking about but in a new one it might be tough. Oh well, I don't even know if I'll definitely get it yet. The money's really really good. (I'm such a sucker. I always end up taking jobs because they pay well, even though I HATE them. And then I get myself stuck). I hope Mr manages to get a job soon too, I'm sick of being the one who earns money and who goes out to work all the time. He tries hard to cook and clean (sometimes) and to run errands and stuff, but it's not the same as really working for money. And it's been such a long time now. Over three years since he last had a 'real' job. But he's had his two other jobs in the last few years so at least that's something. He worries me. I wish he weren't so shy sometimes, and so insecure. It's kind of cute but it is also draining. I'm sort of carrying us both, and mostly I don't mind, but like last week, where it just felt like I was going for interviews non-stop and applying for jobs I hate, just to earn enough money to pay our rent, and it looked as though I wasn't going to get any time off- well I got really upset. I cried and cried. I got so ANGRY with him, but I hid away so he didn't know I was doing quite so much crying or that I was quite so angry. He thought it was because I'd left my job, but I was just angry at being the responsible one all the time.
I'm over it - for now - and we'll see what happens. I miss our old apartment and our old town. I hate being here, but in a way it's good because I may actually get a job............