A right to have fun

June 17, 2004

Family problems

My mother rang last night really worried about my brother. I think she thought he might kill himself. I hope he doesn't. He's been acting weird for at least a couple of years, and most people (especially my parents) just kind of pretend it's fine and he's just living some bohemian lifestyle. I don't think they really realise quite how lonely he is in a crowd. I think he's been taking drugs too, which is fine if you can handle it, but disaster if you can't. It might be anything, but he's definitely got too strange to ignore it. Severe depression, probably. He calls her and then can't speak, like for about 5 minutes there's silence on the phone. Sometimes she tries to fill the silence and sometimes she just waits. I've done it too, but we speak far less often. It's kind of chilling, hearing this strange silence. Then he snaps at her and suddenly shouts and says things that don't really make any sense. I think he's had severe problems just growing up and becoming adult and adjusting to living in the big wide world. And now it's got on top of him in a big way. Anyway. I hope he's going to be okay, mainly for my mother's sake. It's so hard on families when this kind of thing happens - they are so close to the person and yet so far from understanding. I think they can actually do more damage than good sometimes. I mean even I am sitting here wondering if the fact I'm engaged has suddenly made him feel terrible. It's weird. Guilt is weird.

Have to wait and see I guess. And in the meantime life is kind of okay.