A right to have fun

July 06, 2004

rats, this is going nowhere

Went to see one place for a reception yesterday which was fun, have two more lined up but realistically we haven't got the money to go there. Also we haven't got the money to have an actual WEDDING if we have a reception, which is kind of pointless. It is sad seeing such nice places which technically just aren't THAT expensive, but outside our range which is sooooo small. It won't even pay for us to have both a simple church ceremony and a reception. We'll have to just do the civil part, but there isn't even any exchange of vows, so I kind of don't see the point. Nothing about loving or cherishing or looking after each other, just "okay where's your birth certificate, thanks sign here, that's great".

Am very downhearted, depressed and upset about it all. I always thought I'd have a nice wedding but at this rate we're going to have nothing, and I'll have some big stupid dress (ok ok don't dis the dress, it is gorgeous), some inappropriate dress which will be wasted on a pathetically small gathering of family/friends, instead of 70 really special people and a lunch/dinner/whatever.... boo.

Today I think I'll just feel sorry for myself. Yesterday I was really sad, today I'm not so much sad as disappointed. But at the same time my mind is working so hard to try to come up with a solution. There MUST be one, short of winning the lottery or going to the press with a story about how mean my father is!