A right to have fun

July 15, 2004

I don't know what to call this entry, I lack inspiration for that

Bleh. It's raining, or about to, yet again! We had sun yesterday, and Mr and I went for a long walk in the big park which was nice, and it was good to have a day off work.

I came back to so much crap at work, and I'm meant to be doing it and sorting it out and all I'm doing is sitting at my desk writing a story! I can't help it, it's been forever since I was inspired and for some reason things are so bad I think they've inspired me to escapism and I'm writing a truly dreadful story. It's so bad it will go straight in the trash when I've finished it.

I have a day off tomorrow too so I'm going to finish getting things sorted out for myself, and for Mr's birthday, and then we're off to stay with friends in the countryside yeeeaaah hooray, out of the city at last!

I'm having the most hideous violent nightmares at the moment. It's really not nice. They're all linked to money and violence and bad thoughts. It's so hard. Hey Jessica I know what you mean about money. I had none all the time I was growing up because it was just my mom supporting us, and my dad wouldn't even help to pay for driving lessons so I still can't drive because I've never been able to save up enough! Okay, maybe I could have, but that would have meant not doing other important things I've done in my life. And just when I got a job that paid okay, after university, Mr lost his job then couldn't get one in this stinky country and so I'm diving my salary between two of us. I think that's why I go on about clothes so much sometimes, because I can't just afford to waltz into a shop, think 'oh that's nice' and buy it, and it's starting to get frustrating. I think that's also why I find this business with my mean dad and the wedding so difficult to put up with. It's like, okay, I've never had anything, so I'm expected to just enjoy that?

Hmm. Difficult times. But it will get better you know.