A right to have fun

August 20, 2003

Losing you

he called today. My super special friend. He's leaving. Leaving me, leaving everybody. I am so devastated. It feels so weird, like I am the last one left or something, even though that's not true. Everything has changed and our company doesn't feel the same any more. Everybody acts differently and my job has turned into a fragment of its former self and I'm living abroad and loving the lifestyle, loving our home and our friends but dreading each day at work being bored and depressed. I need something stimulating, something to make me feel I'm doing something worthwhile, otherwise what on earth is the point and I'll suddenly turn round like HIM and say - 'that's it, I've had enough' and go.

He said he'd come and visit me for a day though - after he leaves! Because he's leaving in ten days time - ooooooooooh gosh.

He has been a small part of my life for nearly 4 years, but a very big one for about 2. I miss him some days with a physical ache. Only he has the power to make me laugh the way he does, I turn into a giggling silly chick as soon as he calls. But I'm not in love with him. He's a brother? Father? Uncle?! He's - he's special.

Oh dear.

I feel really down today now. Like everything is ending when it should just be beginning...