A right to have fun

June 25, 2004

I haven't got the strength to worry about this any more but I'm sad

Bleeeeeerrrghhh...

Spoke to my father yesterday finally after sending him a long email explaining my point of view, but not asking for anything. He doesn't get it. We had a nicer conversation than I expected but he's not exactly leaping at the chance to fund a 'proper' wedding. I hate this. It's become more about him and me than about the wedding. I do feel rejected and sad, mostly because I know he's paid FOUR times what he offered me for my WEDDING to my young half-sister (one of his other daughters) this summer so she can go on a school trip, and he's paid about four times what he offered me on taking his family on holiday this year. Okay, poor timing from me, but I didn't know that, and anyway, there's always an excuse. And the saddest thing is, he refused to pay for driving lessons for me, and I bet he pays for the other two girls. And I bet he pays for their weddings fully too. I am not being mean, I just know that's how he works. I'm the past, and I'm something he's not particularly keen on remembering.

I feel bad. Mr keeps on asking if there's something we can do, but I'm not going to get into a big fight with my father or demand huge amounts of money. I'd rather just take the small amount he offered and do what we can with it. Even though it means we can't invite any of our most special family members and friends and have a wedding that is special.

Boy do I feel sad, this is about the worst week ever apart from when L died.